The Ten Worst Films of 2007 -- James's Take
Filed under: Lists, Best/Worst
Want to know a dirty little secret?
Contrary to what you've heard recently, critics hate writing bad reviews.
No, they're not fun to write; they're exhausting. No, they're not less work than a good review; they're more difficult. And when you love movies -- which you better, as a critic -- you don't sit down in the dark before a film and think, "Boy, I hope the next two hours of my life will be wasted." But every movie is not, in fact, good -- and these were the high marks among the low points in 2007, from one critic's highly subjective perspective.
1. The Heartbreak Kid
Racist, sexist, misogynist -- and, even worse, not funny. The Farrelly Brothers proved their "King Midas in reverse" touch by turning a classic piece of comedy gold into a lump of trash. The only possible bright side comes in the fact that the Farrelly's status as box-office kings has now been tarnished, hopefully hastening their slide to straight-to-video film making.
2. Charlie Wilson's War
A brilliant demonstration of how Hollywood can take a true story of history and politics and remove all the truth, history and politics from it. Charlie Wilson's War turns the illegal covert funding of fanatics -- fanatics we're still dealing with -- into a wacky escapade with no consequences whatsoever. I can't wait for the invasion-of-Iraq comedies!
3. Flanders
Tedious and interminable, pretentious and idiotic, Bruno Dumont's dim, grim saga of the uncontemplated lives of the residents in a small town in France is what people mean when they say "I hate foreign films." They really don't -- they just hate sloppy, self-righteous bores like this.
4. 300
This! Is! Tedium! With an endless parade of execution sequences -- not fights -- 300 managed to be frantic and immobile. I blame Frank Miller -- a over-hyped, myopic 'visionary' whose work is too one-dimensional even for comics.
5. Into the Wild
Sean Penn's adaptation of the best-selling book tried to turn a suicide note into a declaration of victory. Not only is the film shot like the world's most self-important Mountain Dew commercial, but any sympathy you might have for the real Christopher McCandless is undercut by your dislike for the shallow, smug walking symbol he becomes in Penn's script.
6. In the Valley of Elah
Lazy, simplistic and driven by a series of phony coincidences, In the Valley of Elah again demonstrates that there's nothing Hollywood does better than ruin a compelling true story with cliché execution.
7. Transformers
Less than meets the eye. No, I don't expect a film called Transformers to be high art, but I can ask it to be competently-crafted entertainment -- and Michael Bay's decision to go with the tiresome, insipid, dull screenplay by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman dashed those hopes.
8. Spider-Man III
Another great example of what happens when shaping the marketing plan becomes more important than writing the movie. I love Spider-Man II unabashedly, but this over-stuffed, lazy mess actually made me doubt Sam Raimi's passion and judgment for the first time in 26 years.
9. Because I Said So
Shrill and miserable and achingly predictable, Because I Said So represents an interesting philosophical question: When the bad comedies being made for female ticket buyers are just as empty and shabby and stupid as the bad comedies being made for male ticket buyers, is that some kind of perverse equality?
10. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
Racist, sexist and homophobic -- and, even worse, not funny. And if I'm repeating myself, hey -- so's Hollywood.
Dishonorable Mentions:
"Why would you make a documentary about these people?" : Crazy Love
"Do-Do-Do-Don't Believe the Hype" Award for fair-to-good but wildly over-praised films: Juno, Atonement
Less Stupid and Sexist, but Still Bad: Good Luck Chuck
Creepy Stalking is Not Funny: License to Wed
Fantastic Failure: Southland Tales
Thank God That's Over With: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
"Who Greenlit This?": Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters
Most Pious Pile of Junk: Evan Almighty
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
12-31-2007 @ 9:20PM
MercuryFanForever said...
I thought Transformers was a great movie.
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12-31-2007 @ 10:42PM
EJ is an Idjit said...
James
I am probably extending this post since it will be off the front page by midday tomorrow. But without knowing you I can tell you are 24-26, have no friends, and think your opinion matters. 300 and Transformers rocked. Charlie Wilson's War is brilliant and Into the Wild is art. You made this list so that when you go in to get your double decaf with a latte twist you will seem cool and against the grain. You are an ass, sir and I know it and your family knows it.
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12-31-2007 @ 11:29PM
Alex said...
I don't think that I can disagree more with numbers 4, 5, and 7. Do you hate cinematography or something (digital or otherwise)? 300 has an amazing art style that is impossible to ignore. I can understand being intimidated by Gerard Butler's ab-muscles, but simplifying this movie as a collection of executions is indicative of not really understanding.
With #5, I didn't love Emile Hirsch... he's the phoniest part of the flick. However, your issue seems to be more that this is a Sean Penn movie, rather than just a movie. Had this been a no-name Sundance entry, you probably would have been seeing it somewhat differently. Having read the book, Sean Penn did very little to change the story of Chris McCandless. It is what it is, suicide and all.
And #7 just means there is a generation gap between yourself and the majority of moviegoers. That you cannot be faulted for.
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1-01-2008 @ 12:24AM
AJ said...
HOW COME ONLY LIKE TWO OF YOU FRIGGN' EDITORS START WITH 10 AND GO DOWN TO 1 LIKE YOU SHOULD?!?!?!?!?!?
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1-01-2008 @ 12:49AM
James Rocchi said...
Dear EJ:
I'm not 24-26; I have the good fortune to be part of a tremendous group of friends; I have five seperate employers who pay me to think, opine and know about film; I drink my coffee regular, with milk and sugar. And, since you're wrong about those things, I hope that inspires you to re-think how Transformers and 300 'rock' (which they do not), that Charlie Wilson's War is 'brilliant' (which it is not) and that Into the Wild is 'art' (which turns out not to be the case). You may think so, certainly. I do not. As I said, my list is subjective, and Happy New Year.
Alex: I adore cinematography -- No Country, The Assasination of Jessee James, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly are all in my Top Ten. However, I am one of those tedious sticklers who asks that cinematography actually be one of the many things in a film that work towards telling an intelligent, coherent and interesting story -- so, expensive lensing is not enough to redeem 300, Transformers and Into the Wild.
AJ: Any Top Ten List I make is in no particular order after #1; hence, they start at #1. A countdown implies a hierarchical series of graduations and judgments I don't like making.
And to all a good night,
J
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1-01-2008 @ 1:15AM
Fuzzyfreaker said...
I'm gonna agree with the rest of 'em James. I totally agree wth "Into the Wild"and most of your list. But I didn't think that 300 or Transformers deserved to be on your list. Sure they weren't masterpieces of cinematography, script, or style, but in no way were they the worst of 07'. Are you telling me that Who's Your Caddy was better than either of those films? Or Shrek the Third? There's plenty of crap out there, and I think 300 and Transformers were probably on there just to stir up a bit of trouble, in which I laugh joyously at.
But yeah, Charlie Wilson's War was good. Really Good. Not brilliant, but very good. That's probably on there just because of your political standings. If you were watching the film at all, the final scene about the schools was to show what mistake we made. The entire film was based on America's mistake. That's why the Taliban moved in, because there was no government or anything set up after we "saved" them. Didn't you see any of the ending? Read the quote? Anything?!
But sure, enjoy reading these wonderful replies all throughout the night, I enjoy a good raving as much as the next person, i'll be right here with ya.
-B
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1-01-2008 @ 1:32AM
k said...
If those are your worst picks, you haven't seen enough movies this year. Or rather, I envy your ability to only see mostly mediocre films and have them be the worst you see all year.
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1-01-2008 @ 3:31AM
h0mi said...
How did Xformers and 300 make the list, yet Aqua teen only gets a cursory mention?
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1-01-2008 @ 7:17AM
diesel said...
i thought americans hated foreign films because they come with subtitles?
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1-01-2008 @ 11:49AM
Scott Weinberg said...
Great choices, but I must disagree on one point.
I enjoy writing negative reviews. That's not to say I'd rather dislike a movie than like it, but when a flick really deserves a thrashing, I do enjoy writing one.
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1-01-2008 @ 11:57AM
epr1202 said...
You may be one of the worst reviewer of all time. While Ill agree with you on chuck and larry and Because I said so, the other eight movies may stink but their definately not top ten worst of the year worthy. There have been so many crappy films this year, and you put 300 and Charlie Wilsons war on your list, both movies recieving mostly positive reviews. What about movies like: Blonde Ambition, Who's Your Caddy, National Treasure Book of Secrets, Wild Hogs, Daddy Day Camp, Are We Done Yet?, Rush Hour 3, Fantastic four two, Good Luck Chuck, The Hitcher.
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1-01-2008 @ 12:27PM
Max said...
I can't agree more with your list James (or at least with the films on it I've seen. I was lucky enough to avoid most of them). With regards to 300, tedium is the perfect word. Frank Miller IS criminally overrated, and the only upside of seeing his story put on film was knowing its success bankrolled Watchmen. Even that, though, was tarnished by the fact that Zack Snyder, while not a terrible director per se, has no sense of characterization/development, which Watchmen kinda sorta hinges on.
Into The Wild was a fantastic story that Sean Penn managed to tarnish with his lack of directorial style. He should have saved everyone the trouble and just directed an episode of The Real World instead.
Transformers was an incredibly stupid film that actually managed to be worse than I expected from Michael Bay. I'm honestly surprised that there are people reading this site that enjoyed "Xformers," mostly by the fact that they read. To all of you who claim that "there is a generation gap between yourself and the majority of moviegoers," I would like you to sit and think about just about every single line any of the Transformers actually said, particularly anything uttered by Jazz. The natural reaction is far from all encompassing of my disappointment with the film, but certainly demonstrates it effectively.
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1-01-2008 @ 1:07PM
YouFaceTheTick said...
Charlie Wilson's War - it's so sad when a movie review needs to have even more spoonfed. The movie BLATANTLY explained that the actions in Afghanistan led to dire consequences for the Afghans and may have played a part in Al Queda. The last two scenes of the movie were beat-you-over-the-head with the ultra obvious "for the groundlings" message of the zen master and the boy and Wilson getting shutdown for any congressional support support as the war tapered off. Wait, that's still not good enough! The end quote announces that we "f6cked up the end game." My god, should they have abandoned their entire satirical script and played the whole movie like some horrid serious melodrama? It was a movie...movies are just stories.
Or did you not pay attention? Maybe that's the secret. It seems a good number of movie reviewers simply don't pay attention and apparently you fell into this with War. While it wasn't a good movie, it was at times amusing and definitely made an extremely clear point that once the "commies" were out, both sides were going to claim a fantasy god would have to pick their side.
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1-01-2008 @ 1:19PM
whitey herzog said...
The brightest spot in the Farrelly Brothers comedy is the Hawaiian Rock band, Kanekoa --- they are awesome in this film... This band will be huge - check them out on iTunes and youtube.
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1-01-2008 @ 1:52PM
joits said...
transformers and 300 dull? james... are you one of those girls who has a guy's name? hahaha... just kidding.
at least you don't insult those who do like it unlike some of the other people here. its fine to not like a movie, but to not accept that other people may actually enjoy something is not what movie criticism is about which is exactly what "max" does...
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1-01-2008 @ 2:01PM
robotplague said...
This list looks like a strong attempt to stir up some controversy rather than listing the 10 worst movies of 2007. If these are the 10 worst movies you saw in 2007 than I'd say you had a pretty good year. I saw some absolute garbage over the past year and none seem to be on the list.
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1-01-2008 @ 2:49PM
Gina said...
EJ, have you ever heard of a psychological phenomenon called "projection"?
By the way, anyone who hasn't yet heard Mike Nelson and Co.'s riffs on "300" and "Transformers" needs to do so, pronto.
http://www.rifftrax.com
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1-01-2008 @ 3:11PM
Gary Privitt said...
taken as a summer action flick, Transformers is a decent way to waste a couple of hours. It was better than I expected it to be. 300is a comic book (nuf said). want a bad movie? see Dragon Wars (and yes I'll get it when it comes out on DVD)
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1-01-2008 @ 4:01PM
DiZ Wasabi said...
On a scale from 1-10, I give your little list a meh...
Suck-it! (makes chopping motion to my crotch)
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1-01-2008 @ 5:03PM
Andy said...
I'm surprised Apocalypto didn't make your list. I recall you didn't like it one little bit when you reviewed it early in the year. I enjoy reading your reviews. Keep up the good work in 2008.
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